I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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