dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
babies were throwing up all over the place
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
