Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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