So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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