tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
