i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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