I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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