I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
