the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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