please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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