we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm at about main and main street
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
