she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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