My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize