I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
