Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
