It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
birth control should be required to get into college
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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