It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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