It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
