I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
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Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
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STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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