drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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