Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
