this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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