Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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