I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
