Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
