OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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