can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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