wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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