Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
