So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
