My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
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he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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