In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
