We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
