I met the friendliest cop last night
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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