woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
