I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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