I will die if light touches me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
