i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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