I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
