My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So squirting runs in the family.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
