Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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