Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
