the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
