I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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