I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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