I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The best revenge is premature balding
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
