At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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