Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
