I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
