i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
