Where is the hickey?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
