So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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