I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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