More tranny stories later!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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