His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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