Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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