The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
