i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You are the jesus of drinking
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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