is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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