sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
