You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
