So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
