Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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