careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
