i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
