Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
did i just pee glitter
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
