I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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