12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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