You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
