Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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