I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
